As a child, I remember my parents taking us kids on a family vacation.  There were four kids total in our family which made for some interesting road trips.  Our family would load up in our ‘76 baby blue Malibu Chevrolet Station Wagon which had the rear reversible bench seat.  After about a hundred “Are we there yet?”  (that was just from my parents), no Nintendo DS or Game Boys, no seat belts, four screaming kids, and plenty of seats to jump over…I don’t see how my parents did it.  For the first one and a half, all four of us kids would play together and seem to have a great time, but usually about two hours into the trip, the Mr. Nice Guy was over.  Eventually we would end up fighting and in some territorial battle.  Someone had crossed the line and now we would all four get involved in the fight.  When we have relationships with other people, there will be times when someone crosses the line, steps on someone else’s toes, or simply doesn’t let them play with their toys.  This will happen in a Small Group Environment also.  Here are some things to remember about CONFLICT AND SMALL GROUPS:

·      Realize Conflict is inevitable.  Whenever there are two are more people gathered in His name, there will be conflict.  Why?  We are not perfect people.  Conflict will happen no matter how spiritual the Small Group may be.  So be prepared for conflict whenever it happens and don’t be surprised that it happened under your leadership.

·      Recognize the true source of conflict.  Almost all conflict stems from one source…PRIDE.  Someone does not get their way and now it is time to dig in our heels and stand our ground.  Is it your pride, or is it the pride of someone else.  It is good to recognize that conflict will show up in many different forms but the true source will probably be someone’s pride getting in the way.

·      Remember the goal is to restore the relationship.  Here are the Biblical reminders for conflict resolution:

1.    Handle the conflict.  Do not just ignore it!  In Matthew 18, Jesus explains how to handle conflict.

·      Go to the person privately and one-on-one.

·      If they do not listen to you the first time, then take someone else with you to try to restore the relationship.

·      If the situation is not resolved then you will have to take it to your church leaders.

·      If the relationship is still not resolved, then the relationship is restricted.

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. 

If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” 

Matthew 18:15

          2.  Do a Motive Check.  Are you speaking the Truth in love?

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander,

as well as all types of evil behavior. 

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” 

Ephesians 4:31-32 

          3.  Observe the Golden Rule.  Yes, your mother was correct when she told you this.

           “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” 

Matthew 7:12

          4.  Extend grace to others.  Give others the benefit of the doubt. 

            “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. 

Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” 

Colossians 3:13

As I reflect back on the conflict that we had during our family road trips, I am reminded of a few things that may encourage you as your lead your Small Group through times of conflict.

·      Conflict is not a sign of poor leadership skills.  My parents were great parents!

·      Even the best of Small Groups will experience conflict.

·      There are great benefits whenever conflict is handled in the proper way.

What are some conflicts that you may have experienced within your Small Group and how did you handle it?